depressing

I was looking through some things I'd written over the past several years -- totally downers so I threw it all away. It's bad enough to be down all the time but to have evidence of it ... need to get out of this funk. It's been going on for way way too long.

My cat snores.

Time

The year has been slipping by. It'll be Thanksgiving in just a few weeks. and then Christmas. Wow! Paul will be home two days after Christmas.

October

Things keep going on. I am at a strange place right now. I feel like I need to make a decision about my life/my job. Today's list.

1. Getting an e-mail from Paul
2. the Redskins won!
3. text message from Robin
4. seeing and talking with Sandy at church
5. e-mail from my dad
6. playing with weezer in closet
7. watching spooky in the attic


not so good things
1. sliced my finger while cutting zuchini
2. thinking maybe I shouldn't have the job I have - wishing I had just said "no"

that's all I could think of

So am I afraid of success? or is this job just not something I should be doing? I want to make a difference in the lives of the people I work with. I want to help them achieve their potential. How can I do that?

Eagle Harbor Days

today's list

1 -- beautiful colors - the trees changing
2 -- walking around the harbor
3 -- walking through the cemetary
4 -- picking apples
5 -- making apple sauce
6 -- email from Paul

Epiphany

I’ve come to another realization – another epiphany -- I can’t stop waiting for good things to happen or look back at good things that happened either, I need to enjoy my life as it is happening – the little things – that’s what makes life worth living.

The following lists are not in any particular order – the first item is just the one I wrote first, not necessarily the best or the worst …

Really good things that happened today:
1 – a little girl (1.5 years old) on the plane showing me her belly button
2 – the same little girl, high five-ing me
3 – the same little girl, touching fists
4 - Michael called to say “hi” – of course I was at the Minneapolis airport...
5 - Eating dinner with both my parents at "the Blue Place"
6 - Being in Eagle Harbor


Some good things that happened today:
1 – I woke up – just a little later than planned – without my alarm going off
2 – I got an aisle seat on the plane
3 – There was no line at the airport
4 – I had a root beer float (A&W of course)
5 - I took a walk around Eagle Harbor


Things that made me smile today:
1 – two little boys at the airport wearing cowboy boots
2 - the tree colors
3 - a red mustang speeding out of Eagle Harbor

Things that made me sad / or were lousy (must be limited to ONLY ten)
1 – my alarm didn’t go off
2 – the guy on the plane that tried to get off before everyone else because he was just more important than them (not as though lots of other people didn’t need to make connecting flights too!)
3 - wondering how many more times I'll be here

Back to the U.P.

I'm headed back to the U.P. My father has been discharged from the hospital after 2.5 weeks. I have been conflicted over this and finally am going back. I probably should never have left, but I did. I hope this means he is really on the mend and things will be improving. It seems like everytime he improves in one area something else hits him. He's too old to take too many hits.

Pray for me.

ten favorite whats?

Reading Katie's blog - she had this thing where if you have seen 85 of the following movies you have no life -- of course, I know I have no life already but I thought I'd look at it anyway. Just for fun.

( ) Rocky Horror Picture Show
( ) Grease
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man’s Chest
( ) Boondock Saints
( ) Fight Club
( ) Starsky and Hutch
(x) Neverending Story
(x) Blazing Saddles
(x) Airplane
(x) The Princess Bride
( ) AnchorMan
(x) Napoleon Dynamite
( ) Labyrinth
(x) Saw
( ) Saw II
( ) White Noise
(x) White Oleander
(x) Anger Management
(x) 50 First Dates
(x) The Princess Diaries
( ) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
Total so far: 12 out of 22.

(X) Scream
( ) Scream 2
( ) Scream 3
(x) Scary Movie
( ) Scary Movie 2
( ) Scary Movie 3
( ) Scary Movie 4
( ) American Pie
( ) American Pie 2
( ) American Wedding
( ) American Pie Band Camp
(x) Harry Potter 1
(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Harry Potter 3
(x) Harry Potter 4
( ) Resident Evil 1
( ) Resident Evil 2
(x) The Wedding Singer
(x) Little Black Book
( ) The Village
(x) Lilo & Stitch
Total so far: 21 out of 43

(x) Finding Nemo
(x) Finding Neverland
( ) Signs
(x) The Grinch
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
( ) White Chicks
(x) Butterfly Effect
(x) 13 Going on 30
(x) I, Robot
( ) Robots
(x) Dodgeball:
(x) Universal Soldier
(x) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
(x) Along Came Polly
( ) Deep Impact
( ) KingPin
(x) Never Been Kissed
(x) Meet The Parents
(x) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
( ) Joe Dirt
(x) King Kong
Total so far: 35 out of 66.

( ) A Cinderella Story
(x) The Terminal
( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
(x) Dumb & Dumber
(x) Dumber & Dumberer
( ) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
(x) Halloween
(x) The Ring
( ) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving Christmas
( ) Flubber
( ) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
( ) Practical Magic
(x) Chicago
( ) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
( ) Hellboy
(x) Secret Window
(x) I Am Sam
(x) The Whole Nine Yards
(x) The Whole Ten Yards
Total so far: 45 out of 90.

( ) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Child’s Play
( ) Seed of Chucky
( ) Bride of Chucky
( ) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
( ) Gothika
( ) Nightmare on Elm Street
(x) Sixteen Candles
(x) Remember the Titans
( ) Coach Carter
( ) The Grudge
( ) The Grudge 2
(X) The Mask
( ) Son Of The Mask
(x) Bad Boys
( ) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
( ) Lucky Number Sleven
(x) Ocean’s Eleven
( ) Ocean’s Twelve
(x) Bourne Identity
(x) Bourne Supremecy
( ) Lone Star
( ) Bedazzled
( ) Predator I
( ) Predator II
( ) The Fog
( ) Ice Age
( ) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
( ) Curious George
Total so far: 52 out of 121.

(x) Independence Day
( ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
(x) Christine
(X) E.T.
( ) Children of the Corn
( ) My Bosses Daughter
(x) Maid in Manhattan
( ) War of the Worlds
(x) Rush Hour
(x) Rush Hour 2
( ) Best Bet
(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(x) She’s All That
(x) Calendar Girls
(x) Sideways
(x) Mars Attacks
( ) Event Horizon
(X) Ever After
(X) Wizard of Oz
(x) Forrest Gump
( ) Big Trouble in Little China
(x) The Terminator
(x) The Terminator 2
(x) The Terminator 3
Total so far: 68 out of 147

( ) X-Men
( ) X-2
( ) X3
(x) Spider-Man
(x) Spider-Man 2
( ) Sky High
( ) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
(x) Catch Me If You Can
(X) The Little Mermaid
(X) Freaky Friday
( ) Reign of Fire
( ) The Skulls
( ) Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
( ) The Hot Chick
(X) Shrek
(X) Shrek 2
Total so far: 75 out of 165.

( ) Swimfan
(x) Miracle on 34th street
( ) Old School
(x) The Notebook
(x) K-Pax
( ) Krippendorf’s Tribe
(X) A Walk to Remember
( ) Ice Castles
( ) Boogeyman
( ) The 40-year-old Virgin
(x) Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
(x) Lord of the Rings: Return Of the King
(X) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
(X) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
(X) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Total so far: 85 out of 181.

( ) Base-ketball
( ) Hostel
( ) Waiting for Guffman
( ) House of 1000 Corpses
( ) Devils Rejects
(x) Elf
( ) Highlander
( ) Mothman Prophecies
(X) American History X
( ) Three
( ) The Jacket
( ) Kung Fu Hustle
( ) Shaolin Soccer
( ) Night Watch
(X) Monsters Inc.
(X) Titanic
(X) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
( ) Shaun Of the Dead
( ) Willard
Total so far: 90 out of 200.

( ) High Tension
( ) Club Dread
( ) Hulk
( ) Dawn Of the Dead
(x) Hook
(x) Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
(x) 28 days later
( ) Orgazmo
( ) Phantasm
(x) Waterworld
( ) Kill Bill Vol. 1
( ) Kill Bill Vol. 2
( ) Mortal Kombat
( ) Wolf Creek
( ) Kingdom of Heaven
( ) The Hills Have Eyes
( ) I Spit on Your Grave
( ) The Last House on the Left
( ) Re-Animator
(x) Army of Darkness
Total so far: 95 out of 220.

(x) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(x) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
( ) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(x) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
( ) Ewoks: Caravan Of Courage
( ) Ewoks: The Battle For Endor
(x) The Matrix
(x) The Matrix: Reloaded
(x) The Matrix: Revolutions
( ) Animatrix
(x) Evil Dead
(x) Evil Dead 2
( ) Team America: World Police
( ) Red Dragon
(X) Silence of the Lambs
( ) Hannibal
Total: 106 out of 238

So I guess this is just confirmation that I have no life.

Too bad the list wasn't about TV shows I watch and how many episodes of those shows. Right now we have 70 episodes of Charmed on TV waiting for us to watch them... and I try and watch at least three a day, plus all the new shows that come out. I watch way too much TV.

And where does the "ten favorite whats?" come into this? Who really knows. I just wanted to get started writing and this was how.

I have just had a rough couple of weeks. I don't even want to talk about it -- all I want is for someone to tell me that I'll get through it -- I don't want to hear that everything is going to be okay, just that I can make it through it. I want someone to hold me and tell me that I am going to be okay -- not things -- but I'll get through it. I don't seem to have that though.

anyway... that's it for now.
see ya.

Five things ..

I was going to write about ten things I want to do before I die but I could only think of five ...

1. visit Isle Royale
2. make a full size quilt
3. finish reading War & Peace
4. take a photography class
5.

Now I can't even think of the five I came up with before. The next five:

foods
ice cream flavors
actors
actresses
TV shows
people I'd like to see again from high school, elementary school, middle school -- other times in my life
places I'd like to see
books I've read
books I want to read
movies I want to see on big screen
worst movies
best movies
funniest movies
worst smells
best smells
fads I never want to see again
songs
bands
colors

lots and lots of things.

I guess I could also work on coming up with witty titles for my blog entries. One of the charming things about "Charmed", the titles of the shows - play on titles of other things, i.e. Kill Billie, Part 1.

My niece Katie has a good blog. I wonder if she'd mind if I had a link to it from mine? A couple of my kids have "my space" -- is that a blog for kids? or anyone interested. Maybe I should get a myspace ... nah.

Well, enough for today.