tired / tied

this has been a really tough week - and a short one too. just stuff going on at work making days seem longer. woke up with a headache and just felt lousy all day. I did win at spider solitaire my first time out -- maybe things are looking up. I won at blackjack too - so maybe it's not that bad.

Been working on the quilt a little. Will try and get back to that tonight. maybe work on 12 squares and see where that leaves me. We need to get twin beds for our extra room (formerly Robin's). I'm thinking I'll make quilts for those two beds too. Something exciting to look forward to.

I am back to being exhausted. I had a week off and then a three day weekend and I felt pretty good .. but now back to the same old, same old.

Oh, the tied is just that I initially misspelled tired and thought it might have some deep meaning -- however, I'm not one of those super deep people so probably not -- how about "tied up in knots"..

well anyway not much else to say.

blogging

I read a post earlier this week about what makes a good blog. According to the list posed by the writer, mine is not one of them. I don't really care. The purpose to my blog is to have an online diary that no one reads except me (and the few others who check in now and again). Prior to you guys reading my blog, it was just a place to put down my thoughts -- get my ideas down on "paper" ...

ah well. c'est la vie.

Here's another picture of Mikey and a few of EH.

Baby sitting

Babysat for my grandson for the first time today. I thought it went pretty well. He's a baby so he cried some, fussed some, and was happy some. Mom and Dad went to a baby shower (at least that's where Mom went).

In spite of the baby sitting, I'm feeling down. I don't know if it's work or the stuff going on with my parents or just feeling old. I'd like to shake it and feel good. but I can't.

I think I need to get back to my quilt. I've cut out most of the pieces and sewn together some of them, but I really need to get serious about it. and it's much more productive than playing blackjack (or any of the other stupid computer games I play...)

It's hot and I'm tired.

no questions today

On a lighter note, I have been playing blackjack and mostly winning, except today. Today I lost 25,000 chips. and yet I keep on playing. I enjoy it more than Texas Hold Em because it doesn't take as much brain power or as much time - except when you are obsessive about it.

Went to the pound on Sunday to look at dogs - we're contemplating getting one. That has got to be one of the most depressing places. Those poor abandoned animals. I was on the verge of tears the whole time. By the way, all the kitties (of course I looked at the cats) were more friendly than the three I have at home. Such is life.

If I keep writing, I'll start asking questions so I'll leave it at that.

adult/child

What do we do when children are faced with adult problems? how do we help them figure out the answers? how do we help them make a decision and then accept the decision they have made?

What would I do if I were in her position? I don't know. I know what the answers "should" be but could I stand by my convictions (are they really convictions if I can't stand by them?).

And the next question, how do we help adults make decisions they don't want to make? face futures they don't want to see? how can we be compassionate and firm? and do we need to leave the compassion at the door and just be firm - or even harsh? I feel the need to confront but I don't know if I can do it. but I have to. not for me but because it has to be done.

Little Mikey

The Baby

Welcome Mikey!!

Refuge

Where do I take refuge? is my refuge in the Lord as the Psalmist's is? I think not. i take refuge in mindless games, mindless shows, idle chatter. I don't feel the need for refuge. I don't see an impending storm. Does that mean there is no need for refuge? Am I ignoring the storm? pretending it doesn't exist? or is that I have sought refuge elsewhere and think that I am safe.

What is "refuge"?

ref·uge
1. shelter or protection from danger, trouble, etc.: to take refuge from a storm.
2. a place of shelter, protection, or safety.
3. anything to which one has recourse for aid, relief, or escape.
—Synonyms 1. security, safety. 2. asylum, retreat, sanctuary, haven, stronghold.

How does one take refuge in the Lord? In Christian circles, we talk about these vague concepts as though they are not vague.

When you take refuge from a storm, say a tornado, you go to your basement (or where ever) and wait the storm out. The storm does not disappear because you are in the basement - you just don't feel the full effect of the storm. After the storm has passed, your life might be completely changed.

Refuge. hmm.

What are the storms in my life? how can I seek shelter until they pass? Should I seek shelter?

Or do we only need to seek refuge when there is a storm and/or danger? is there danger everywhere and i am just being naive to think that refuge is not needed.

refuge can't be hiding from issues...

safety, security, what is the third one. you need to feel safe, secure, and ?? oh yes, significant. that is a topic for another day.

P.S. I'm a grandma. baby picture will be posted shortly.

Anguish

"I am weary with my sighing; every night I make my bed swim, I dissolve my couch with my tears." What is the cause of this anguish? the author is pining away, grieving. Since the narrative does not say, could it be an illness? the loss of a loved one? a broken heart? or the recognition of a great wrong caused by the writer?

When I was caught, when my true nature was exposed, I was despondent because I knew that I could not go back and "fix" things. The flaw was readily apparent and there was nothing I could do to erase what had been "written".

Let me paraphrase: I am tired of crying; every night my pillow is soaked with my tears; my couch has irreparable water damage. This is a soul in agony.

Is there resolve?

why??

so what if I want to do something that I know I shouldn't; something I will regret. Why do I want to do it anyway? What is the driving force?

I know that Paul said, "that which I ought to do I don't and that which I shouldn't I do" (complete paraphrase) -- but is it just human nature? I don't want to fight it but I should... the world says we shouldn't fight human nature -- we can't do anything about it. so it goes.

I think I'll just go to bed.

Global Warming .. or just the environment

So, ever since I was little I've had a fascination with the Kennedy's (like who hasn't -- must be the all American past time) -- anyway, last night I went to a dinner at which Robert F. Kennedy Jr. was the keynote speaker. It was interesting. I felt like I learned something. I wish the left and right sides would come together a little better. It doesn't have to be so adversarial but they are. I think every one is concerned about the environment. Every one wants the earth to be around for their children and grandchildren. We don't all agree on what steps to take to get there -- or who should pay. But those are the things that could be discussed.

I wish both sides would be more open minded and talk sensibly. But they don't.

As they say, if wishes were horses, beggars would ride.