humble, humility, humiliation

hum·ble – adjective
1. not proud or arrogant; modest: to be humble although successful.
2. having a feeling of insignificance, inferiority, subservience, etc.: In the presence of so many world-famous writers I felt very humble.
3. low in rank, importance, status, quality, etc.; lowly: of humble origin; a humble home.
4. courteously respectful: In my humble opinion you are wrong.
5. low in height, level, etc.; small in size: a humble member of the galaxy.
–verb (used with object)

hu·mil·i·ty – noun
the quality or condition of being humble; modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance, rank, etc.

hu·mil·i·at·ing – adjective
lowering the pride, self-respect, or dignity of a person; mortifying: Such a humiliating defeat was good for his overblown ego.

We desire to be humble; we try to show humility, but how many of us are willing to be humiliated? Jesus was willing to be humiliated. He was not just humble. He was willing to be thought a fool.

witticism

I need to go over my notes from Sunday. I get these "epiphanies" -- actually just thoughts but if I say I have an epiphany it seems much deeper.

genocide [ˈdʒenəsaid] noun
the deliberate killing of a race of people

we were discussing genocide tonight, or briefly the word "genocide" and I always thought the definition was as noted above, but apparently it encompasses much more -- at least the accepted definition now -- "the deliberate and systematic extermination of a national, racial, political, or cultural group." Interesting. Probably is indicative of the type of violence we have seen over the last 100 years.

Writing about this makes me feel weird. Saying the word doesn't invoke quite the same feelings.

So what does this all have to do with witticism??

(wit·ti·cism [wit-uh-siz-uhm] – noun
a witty remark or sentence.
[Origin: 1645–55; deriv. of witty, modeled on criticism]
—Synonyms joke, jest, quip, sally, wisecrack.

not a thing. just thought I might have something witty to say.

g'night.

esoteric

es·o·ter·ic –adjective
1. understood by or meant for only the select few who have special knowledge or interest; recondite: poetry full of esoteric allusions.
2. belonging to the select few.
3. private; secret; confidential.
4. (of a philosophical doctrine or the like) intended to be revealed only to the initiates of a group: the esoteric doctrines of Pythagoras.

formula

I wanted to write while it was still fresh in my memory ...

I keep looking for a formula to be happy, to be productive, to live my life, to be a good person, to be a good Christian. It's not about a formula -- there isn't one. It's about an attitude. How do I get that attitude? There can't be a formula for that either. Do you suppose there's a simple way. A simple solution? I need to find these things through Christ, but I desperately want a formula. Some thing that, if I do it, it's guaranteed to work and if it doesn't work it means I didn't do it right. Oh help.

I know it is about being -- about realizing that God wants us to come to him just as we are (where's the scripture for that?). There is nothing more comforting than being around people who accept you -- people who don't ask you to change in order to be their friends. People who don't want you to be smarter, prettier, funnier, better. People who just enjoy your company. People who like you for who you are. That's how God is. I believe this and you'd think that knowing this would make me want to spend time with him. I long to spend time with the people that I know who treat me this way. I might even say I yearn for this. Of course, in this case it is people with whom I don't have the opportunity to spend the time I'd like to spend. Is that why I yearn for it -- because I can't have it? or is it because it truly is so special? or some combination (most likely)? However, I always have this opportunity with God -- I just don't take it. Am I afraid? Afraid I'm wrong? Afraid I might have to change?

thriving?? I think maybe just surviving ....

Lately, I've been listening to a lot of different people (who in some instances are professional speakers) who are causing me to focus on having a positive attitude, looking forward, succeeding. The most recent one was a web cast yesterday by David McNally (I think that was his name) and what I mainly got out of it was that there are two kinds of people in the world -- those who survive and those who thrive. The difference between the two is attitude. He gave quotes from different people, all of whom were successful, but whose attitudes were different -- so thriving doesn't mean success -- and surviving isn't lack of success.

Interesting because these things are usually about success. How to focus and achieve. He was dealing with achieving but didn't actually say that. And that's not what I got out of it anyway. The quotes that I put up yesterday were things I got from the web cast. I guess I should put them in quotes.

The problem I'm having is being able to remember those things -- is it that I don't want to remember? or just that I'm getting old and my memory isn't what it should be? I want to have a more positive outlook - but it has to come from the inside out.

At a conference I went to in November, there were two speakers who were talking about the same basic thing. I am going to go over my notes this weekend and see what I can pull out of them. Anyway, thriving is an attitude which brings about action. I may even get this guy's book ... we'll see. Maybe I can check it out at the library ... something about eagles.

I just felt so much more productive and positive after listening to the webcast -- it was weird. I was wondering if I listened to scripture like that if it would give me the same result.

here are those seven questions again ...

"Who do I serve?"
"What are their expectations of me?"
"What do I offer to meet those expectations?"

"What matters today?"
"What can I do for my family today?"
"What do I need to do for myself today?"
"What do I choose to do today?"

The last four are the ones I need to face each morning -- what matters? so I can keep my perspective. What can I do for my family today? keep my priorities in line; what do I need to do for myself? so that I feel good about me; what do I choose to do? a recognition that I am making choices .. things aren't just happening. If circumstances are out of my control, my response to the circumstances isn't.

anyway, that's it for now. now i feel like i'm thriving instead of just surviving.

Thriving today ...

good question to ask each morning ... along with the others. I'll have to write them down cuz I just can't remember anything if I don't write it down. part of getting older.

Survivor or Thriver?

"Who do I serve?"
"What are their expectations of me?"
"What do I offer to meet those expectations?"

"What matters today?"
"What can I do for my family today?"
"What do I need to do for myself today?"
"What do I choose to do today?"

can I?

Well, it's been far too long. We had an interesting Christmas. My parents arrived on December 21, the day of my office holiday party. My son came home for Christmas -- well he showed up on the 27th. I took a couple of days off -- a total of three which is a big deal for me. He's gone -- heading back to Afghanistan. He and his girlfriend got engaged. So anyway ...

the can I? is referring to can I keep up with this. I read some earlier blogs (now deleted) and was surprised at how they sounded. Not too depressing, but rather introspective. so I think I'll try and do this more often.

the title of my blog may need to change. I'm pushing 50 so I guess that's what it needs to say. I would never have believed that at 50 (well almost), I would still feel confused and mixed up and unsure. Is it this way with everyone or just me? Are others more on top of it?