Thursday, February 14, 2008

Time

I hope I have time to write before the husband comes to bed. Not that i am writing anything that he can't see I just don't like to have anyone reading this stuff (of course I'm putting this on the internet... but I know that no one is reading it. Kinda funny. The whole world could read what I write, but no one does...).

I don't know if I can handle my job emotionally. I get so distressed I just want to cry.

The problem is under control for today .. but how long will it last? We'll see.

So I have these goals to achieve by 2/18
1 -- lose 3 pounds
2 --send something to each of my children (I cheated and sent an e-card)
3 -- get one box out of my office

I've been working on the first one by limiting my sugar intake and counting calories. The second one was kind of a flake out but I did something. The third I'll have to do tomorrow -- I haven't even looked at those boxes and now I'll have to deal with it. And then on the 18th I'll have to come up with 3 more goals.

So anyway, back to the problem. I don't like having to deal with this -- I am a people pleaser and having to do this makes me very distressed. I have to address problems and tell people things and then they don't like me -- but if I don't do that then other people won't like me. I should never have taken the job in the first place -- but then I'd be disappointed in me. I just have to do what's right.

And then I have to have an eternal perspective, which is really hard. The things of this world will pass away. I need to keep my sights higher. Don't know how to do that, but I'm working on it.

I am so sick of being down and depressed and unfocused and stagnant ...

well time for bed.
love
me

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