Monday Mystique ...

just had to have two words beginning with M. Anyway, went to Yoga tonight (with Mark). I still can't do half the moves, but hopefully I'm getting better at it.

I was in the doldrums this weekend, melancholic. Really dragging. I did absolutely nothing - wait that's a lie. Saturday was okay, went to yoga in the a.m. and then met Amanda at Starbucks (and then Marshalls and Cost Plus) and it was beastly hot ... oh and then Paul and I went and saw "the Time Traveler's Wife". However, Sunday was a different story .. after church I did as little as possible .. it could have been a productive day but instead was just a wasted day. I was wishing life were different.

I don't really know how to describe it. Maybe just marking time, waiting for things to change, or just going through the motions.

Today, I decided that the only way for life to be different for me now is to do the things I would do in the "different life" that I'm dreaming of -- to the extent I can. I was thinking "what if I were in this life, the different life, what would I be doing"? So I thought of the things that I picture in this different life and I realized that I can do some of those things now. So maybe I can make my life I'm the life i'm dreaming of. Does that make sense?

If I don't want to watch TV, I don't have to. If I want to watch TV, I can.

If I want to go somewhere on the weekend, I can.

Cooking doesn't have to be dull and boring. I can explore different types of foods, new recipes, I can make it interesting.

If I want to read books and go to the library, I will. If I want to go to thrift stores, antique stores, or yard sales, I can and will. I don't have to wait for this dreamed of new and different life to live the way I want to.

Maybe one day all my dreams will come true, but I'm not holding my breath.

later.