Little Mikey

The Baby

Welcome Mikey!!

Refuge

Where do I take refuge? is my refuge in the Lord as the Psalmist's is? I think not. i take refuge in mindless games, mindless shows, idle chatter. I don't feel the need for refuge. I don't see an impending storm. Does that mean there is no need for refuge? Am I ignoring the storm? pretending it doesn't exist? or is that I have sought refuge elsewhere and think that I am safe.

What is "refuge"?

ref·uge
1. shelter or protection from danger, trouble, etc.: to take refuge from a storm.
2. a place of shelter, protection, or safety.
3. anything to which one has recourse for aid, relief, or escape.
—Synonyms 1. security, safety. 2. asylum, retreat, sanctuary, haven, stronghold.

How does one take refuge in the Lord? In Christian circles, we talk about these vague concepts as though they are not vague.

When you take refuge from a storm, say a tornado, you go to your basement (or where ever) and wait the storm out. The storm does not disappear because you are in the basement - you just don't feel the full effect of the storm. After the storm has passed, your life might be completely changed.

Refuge. hmm.

What are the storms in my life? how can I seek shelter until they pass? Should I seek shelter?

Or do we only need to seek refuge when there is a storm and/or danger? is there danger everywhere and i am just being naive to think that refuge is not needed.

refuge can't be hiding from issues...

safety, security, what is the third one. you need to feel safe, secure, and ?? oh yes, significant. that is a topic for another day.

P.S. I'm a grandma. baby picture will be posted shortly.

Anguish

"I am weary with my sighing; every night I make my bed swim, I dissolve my couch with my tears." What is the cause of this anguish? the author is pining away, grieving. Since the narrative does not say, could it be an illness? the loss of a loved one? a broken heart? or the recognition of a great wrong caused by the writer?

When I was caught, when my true nature was exposed, I was despondent because I knew that I could not go back and "fix" things. The flaw was readily apparent and there was nothing I could do to erase what had been "written".

Let me paraphrase: I am tired of crying; every night my pillow is soaked with my tears; my couch has irreparable water damage. This is a soul in agony.

Is there resolve?

why??

so what if I want to do something that I know I shouldn't; something I will regret. Why do I want to do it anyway? What is the driving force?

I know that Paul said, "that which I ought to do I don't and that which I shouldn't I do" (complete paraphrase) -- but is it just human nature? I don't want to fight it but I should... the world says we shouldn't fight human nature -- we can't do anything about it. so it goes.

I think I'll just go to bed.

Global Warming .. or just the environment

So, ever since I was little I've had a fascination with the Kennedy's (like who hasn't -- must be the all American past time) -- anyway, last night I went to a dinner at which Robert F. Kennedy Jr. was the keynote speaker. It was interesting. I felt like I learned something. I wish the left and right sides would come together a little better. It doesn't have to be so adversarial but they are. I think every one is concerned about the environment. Every one wants the earth to be around for their children and grandchildren. We don't all agree on what steps to take to get there -- or who should pay. But those are the things that could be discussed.

I wish both sides would be more open minded and talk sensibly. But they don't.

As they say, if wishes were horses, beggars would ride.

people

I like being around people, but it really tires me out. I don't know how others do it and keep doing it. Maybe it's harder because I'm at work every day. I don't know.

ten good memories

that's a tough assignment -- not because I can't think of ten but how big on the good scale are they supposed to be. Let's come up with a few right now...

1 -- playing cards with friends

2 -- when Mark was born (not to say that other births weren't great -- they were, but there was something different about Mark's birth)

3 --when Paul met me at the train after being in Ohio for a month

4 -- making jam with mom

5 -- spending time with Robin

6 -- getting my promotion

7 -- hanging curtains in the room

8 -- buying the beds

9 -- when Amanda said she liked me, that she understood I wasn't comfortable around people... not descriptive enough

10 -- dancing at the Christmas party last year

here's my first stab at it. I'll come back to this tomorrow (or later today) and modify it until I come up with a list that I'm happy with. That's funny.

melancholy

why do I feel like I have to hide who I am? Why do I not want people to see me? I feel as though my privacy is non-existent. That's why I write this and put it up on the internet -- that doesn't really make any sense but I don't think anyone is reading this. This is like being wild at a party when you don't know anyone and you will never see the people ever again. What do I care what you think of me??

I don't know how to explain this but I don't like other people looking at my things. I fear their disapproval -- just like the way I felt last week when my friend objected to my earrings. It feels bad. Why? Why am I so fearful? Is there something deeper? Man I'd like to get over this. So what if my pictures are blurry. So what if you don't like my earrings. Everything I do is not to please you. So what.

we may never pass this way again

actually, we will never pass this way again. this moment in time is gone.

Seals & Crofts

So, I wanna laugh while the laughin' is easy. I wanna cry if it makes it worthwhile.
We may never pass this way again, that's why I want it with you.
'Cause, you make me feel like I'm more than a friend. Like I'm the journey and you're the journey's end.
We may never pass this way again, that's why I want it with you, baby.

Strange when you realize that the way things are right now is only for right now. Tomorrow I will be a little older and something may happen to change everything -- or it may just gone on as it has, but it will be tomorrow and not today. I may write every night, but it won't ever be just like it is now. I won't feel exactly as I do right now. that's why, when I am doing something that I really love, I try and savor it -- because it will never be the same again. IT might be better, it might be as good, but it won't be the same. there have been a few times when I have stopped and thought that and I think I need to do it more. Just because. It's living in the moment (another one of those phrases that I don't like -- like surreal (not actually a phrase) or thinking outside the box or ... rats, I can't think of the other one, something about being yourself or discovering yourself... well anyway.)

I had some friends offer to let me blog at them. Nice offer but I'd rather think that no one is reading what I write -- no criticism that way. I need to start another blog at sometime that I can share. So I can share pictures and other such things. Not my deeper thoughts though. those are just for this. I might need to move this somewhere that really is private. I wonder if I can do that??? dunno. I'll have to ask someone who does know.